Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Are we still banned from the library?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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