I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
