Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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