my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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