You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I understand Curling. That high.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
