Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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