How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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