i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
