Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
