Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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