WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
