the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
