sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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