can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
