How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
