Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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