Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
