I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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