It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
