And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dignity is for republicans.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
