I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
