I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize