Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
