I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
