OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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