I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
