The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
