Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
