Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
