The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
