Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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