I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
