I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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