He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
