maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
