he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize