i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
