He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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