i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
