Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
