It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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