dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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