I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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