Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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