Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
