Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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