genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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