I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
