Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's never too late to be topless.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
