help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
