I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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