I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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