i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
