he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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