god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
