I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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