nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
