You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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