I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you never un-have a 4some
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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