What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
