you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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