I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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