none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
