I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
