i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you win again, gameday.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Drunk is not a location!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
