How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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