The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize