life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
