My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
