she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
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why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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