Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
