You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have post one night stand depression
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
