He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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