It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize