I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A bitchslap is in order.
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