My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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