I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
