Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize