the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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