you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
